FatherSpiritSon.com
God is Hope for the Hopeless Romantic
Hello,
Are you a single person? Are you interested in finding someone to lose the world for a bit and spend time together? Is your interest getting lasting memories for when you're old with someone, and in the short run to have inside jokes? Do you want to lay in front of the stars and realize there's no where you'd rather be because you're fulfilled with your spouse? Do you look for someone who has both inner and outer beauty? If so the dating scene probably confuses you. This article serves to discuss dating, relationships, and romance from a Christian perspective.
The way the United States is set up is that most of the places to go out and meet people are spots like bars, gyms, beaches, and in large cities. Sure you can randomly chance upon someone when you're shopping or at the gas station, but that is rare. It is best if you run across people through networking of your friends and family, but often that ends in a dead end where you're not meeting new people. In my view a Christian should basically be adverse to the bar scene for the most part, but there is so much pressure to go there because that's where many people meet their spouses. It feels like you're practically compromising your morals to get a chance at meeting someone, and inwardly you know this shouldn't be the case.
Before I get into how God can help, my advice for finding the right person is the old Boy Scout motto: Be prepared. There are many ways you can prepare yourself for a relationship. The most important ways are improving: your education, your body, and your walk with God. It is important in today's society to seek the best education you can. At least get a high school education and know how to use the Internet to learn future things. Generally speaking, optimal education is getting some schooling at a university if that is possible for you. Once you have an education, you should seek employment for it is good to be able to support youself at least through the dating phase. It is attractive for both men and women to have income in todays day and age. The key is I think it is possible for some women to still seek the traditional route of professional house wife if they choose to seek it. No one should look down on either choice.
Improving your body makes sense. The low down is that everyone should exercise unless they have a physically demanding job. Unless you have a medical problem preventing you from moving yourself around, you should be moving yourself around a lot during the day. Many people work in offices today, and you should get in about 2 miles of walking minimum each day, but strive to put in 6-10 once you get ramped up. The key you need to go with if you're overweight is,"Don't think to yourself that you can't get fit. Think to yourself that you should just put the exercise in each day and forget about it." If you're too focused on results, you'll never be satisfied and possibly give up early. If you're not focused on results, someday you will see results.
There is a code that many of the elite fitness masters have. This is,"If I exercise myself into great shape, I expect my future spouse to do the same." Now exercise doesn't need to be painful or even stressful. The old addage,"No pain, no gain" is not true. If you want to get in shape, you just need to figure out how to do it without getting bored. For when you're bored, you give up and do something else like watch tv or play video games. One way to avoid getting bored if you like television is to get a treadmill if one will fit in your residence. Place the treadmill in front of your television, start walking around 3 miles per hour, and try and watch a few hours of television each day. This technique works very well.
Other ways to avoid getting bored are finding a safe and shaded trail to walk on and bring headphones for music. I like to listen to klove.com. Klove radio plays Christian music. While I didn't find modern Christian music as high quality as I found secular Classic and Alternative Rock for the most part, all Christian music worships the Lord. If I get a Klove song stuck in my head, it is autopilot worship. If I get anything else stuck in my head, it is an annoying experience.
Another low impact way and easy to exercise is to keep two 10lb weights in your bathroom. When you take a shower or brush your teeth, you can remember your weights. Hold them as if you were doing barbell curls by placing them directly in front of your stomach but push them out and pull them towards yourself instead. You can do this at your own speed, but I suggest that you don't do them at a rapid pace or you will have a high susceptibility to throwing your back out. It is good to find the correct speed for you and progress from there. The faster you do them as your fitness allows, the more they will assist you in improving your form and making your arm muscles lithe. A higher acceleration is the same as having a higher weight, if you want to become lithe I would recommend keeping a relatively low weight and high speed. On the other hand if you want to prioritize muscle you may do heavier weights at a slower pace. Try and do as many as you can without over-extending yourself. I can do around 60 of those, and 40 lifting the weights straight up and over my head in a repition. This takes only about a minute. So it is hard to get bored in just one minute. If you can do this 3 times a day, you'll get into reasonable shape with your upper body. If you can up it to 6 times a day, that is preferable. They key is when your arms or legs get sore you should rest until they are restored. If 10 lb weights are too heavy, drop down to what is easy for you, or ramp up if you can do more. And just for liability sake, I'll tell you to consult your doctor before starting exercise.
Anyway, exercise is a big part of finding a spouse. Beauty is generally not in the eye of the beholder. Most people like toned partners without much belly fat. The reason I say beauty is not always in the eye of the beholder is that in the Bible Job's daughters were called the most beautiful women on the planet. The key is to not get hung up on it much. Most men don't care if you're not wearing make-up, or what you're wearing specifically. I think the bulk of your exterior attractiveness comes down to whether or not you maintain your body physically fit, this applies for both men and women of course. There's a few other intangibles you can't control, but if you keep yourself in shape it also shows that you have dedication. Dedication and discipline are very good traits to seek in a spouse.
This is an article about God, and I only managed to begin mention of Him here. The first thing I have to say, and I hope you remember it, is: If God has a plan for you to meet someone, it is going to happen regardless of how you control the minor details of life Of course you should educate yourself and keep in shape if you can, but don't allow small, circumstantial factors discourage you. The the worst part of being a romantic is dwelling on all the,"What if this minor thing resulted in the major thing of me never getting married to my spouse God wanted me to!" If you get stuck on that, and I was like that half of college, it takes your mind to bad places similar to a worried mind. Keep a strong mind and say to yourself, "I'll just be me and love everyone I can. I'll trust God to get me the one he wanted for me. It's better to be patient and wait for God's best rather than rush out of being single." Some people don't even believe God plays cosmic matchmaker. I do. You don't have to believe me. I think it is hard to take a position based on what is in the Bible, and it could be argued either way. I just know God can do it for you if he wants, and he loves you, so why wouldn't he?
So let us review the three things we covered: Improve your mind, improve your body, and have faith in God. Even if I'm wrong and God doesn't play matchmaker, you're always improving yourself. If you're constantly improving yourself, you're essentially increasing the chances of meeting someone good for you greater over time. It is worth noting that: Your value to God is greater than anything you can imagine regardless of what shape you're in right now. If I am right in that God will find the exact right person for you and give them to you, then improving your faith is very important too. "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her."- Maya Angelou. Again, if I'm wrong and God isn't looking to hook you up with "the one", getting to church functions at least helps qualify that person to be a Christian. Let's take a look at another scenario: if you're going to bars looking for your future spouse then the only thing that qualifies them for is liking the taste of alcohol. If you're unlucky, the person might even be an alcoholic.
Improving your mind will improve your sense of humor and wit. Everyone likes someone with a refined sense of humor. Too bad the world thinks if you have a bad sense of humor to just be shocking in what you say and that will cover it. There are a lot of comedians who are hacks and simply curse up a storm while talking about lewd themes. As a Christian, we're supposed to avoid vulgar stuff to begin with. Suffice it to say that an advanced sense of humor isn't easy to acquire, otherwise there would be a lot less of a market for this shock jock stuff.
Improve your body, and you will enjoy life more. If you get lithe, you'll almost feel weightless in certain types of jumps and gymnastic movements. You'll be able to propel yourself up multiple stairs at once, even using your arm to push you around on the banister. If you get strong, you'll be able to toss stuff around more. You can carry your wife through the threshold. Of course part of that is her responsibility to stay in shape too. :) I bet you're thinking,"This man needs to improve his mind some more so his jokes are of higher caliber." In all seriousness a healthy body even helps you resist disease, the benefits you derive are practically too extensive to list concisely. A healthy body makes you happy in your self image, and what that body is capable of. Being happy will also help you to resist disease. It is well known that a person who is happy and enjoying life is able to combat colds and diseases better. They say laughter is the best medicine and it is partly true. I think the second thing that goes along with that is if someone is in pain that you want to have them perform an activity so they "forget" about the pain. When I am feeling bad, I like to play video games because I focus so much, I forget my pain to a degree. My dad has some wisdom that during a serious event where people are mourning, he'll talk small talk. It'll serve to give your mind a break from overly focusing on the tragic event at hand and lighten everyone's mood when the moment calls for it. I think we got off topic some, but if you get yourself lithe and in shape, you'll feel weightless to a degree that you might want to learn parkour.
Improving your walk with God can be done in a few ways. One way is to read the Bible completely then to regularly make time to read it.Whether we have done it before or not we should be reading the Bible. This is important for another way which is to find preachers to interpret the Bible so you learn details you couldn't see on your own. You can become clergy and serve God that way. You can serve an equally or more important role by not being clergy and working a moral job. You earn money by working and then aim to live as frugally as you can to maximize helping the poor. You can also meet people in person or online and tell them "God loves you, Jesus is Lord. There are many ways to improve your walk, consider these some examples that will hopefully get you to brainstorm and lead you to answer God's call for where you might serve Him effectively. It is important to apply yourself in something at least. Remember that before you go out to evangelize to people, you should first educate yourself about the Bible."
I think as Christians, we're called to marry only another Christian.2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not try to work together as equals with unbelievers, for it cannot be done. How can right and wrong be partners? How can light and darkness live together? Sometimes this doesn't happen, but we should seek out faith in our partner as a primary trait. If someone has weak or no faith, they might have conflicting views on which faith to raise the children. This alone is a substantial enough reason not to marry outside the faith. I am talking about this because if you're an evangelist, you'll meet people you find attractive that you also witness to. There is a chance they might turn around and follow Jesus and then you can marry them, but it is a really off chance you should not consider. It's awful form not to evangelize unless you find the person attractive. We should evangelize to everyone, and what happens happens. You know what they say about missionary dating? Missionary dating leads to missionary sex. There's nothing wrong with sex, and actually a whole lot of good. God created sex for our enjoyment in addition to having kids. The key is to seek a quality marriage partner that not only are we attracted to externally, but also seek inner beauty.Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30 (NKJV) Even if you turn a non believer around to follow Jesus, it often takes years for that person to get fully acclimated into their knowledge and duties. It's possible, but I wouldn't recommend banking on it.
This article was intended to provide the hopeless romantic with hope by examining what God's word has to say about relationships. We also considered some practical steps we can consider taking to ensure that we approach forming relationships in a Godly manner and avoid some of the myths and pitfalls that are culture experiences in the modern era.
When you're hopelessly romantic, you can think the smallest details of the day could be the difference between a strong marriage and dying without ever having a spouse. If you think that way, it eats you up inside and destroys you. Also if you start thinking,"Should I go to bars because thats where people are?" you're defeating yourself too. You should focus on God and aim to improve yourself in the realms of faith, mind, and body. If you focus on God everything else in your life falls into it's proper place. Matthew 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." (NKJV) Then the chances that happen day to day will be in your favor. You also open the door to dating more people than you would before because many quality people exclude people of weak minds, bodies, or faith from their selection pool. This doesn't mean they should be looked down upon for doing this, all it means is that they're demanding a strong partner and it is their liberty to do so as it is yours if you choose to. If you're waiting for God to give you "the one", you should constantly be improving yourself so that you'll fit someone else's strong desires as well. So if you ever get lonely at night and go,"Oh how can I find my spouse, I think I need to leave the house at least to find people.", think differently. Think,"If I am lonely now, I should exercise my body, mind and faith now, so I'll be a stronger person tomorrow. This will increase my chances to meet the right person when the natural time arises. I don't need to force meeting someone immediately, I should allow it to happen in God's timing." Besides it reeks of desperation to want to get in a relationship at a moments notice. And the first thing I was taught before I even knew whats the point of a relationship was,"Don't be desperate."
-Jim Sager